I know it's been a while since I've blogged. But, today is a special occasion in my mind - the end of my undergraduate career. Looking back, I've realized that one way in which I can quantify all the ways I've changed is by reading my past blogs. And, since I'm not too fond of photographs, I think the best way to capture my emotions at this culmination of four years in Uni-town is through the only medium I know how - text.
I wanted to start this blog off with some dramatic analogy like "I feel as I'm standing on the edge of a towering cliff, looking down into a sea of possibilities but y afraid to dive in". However, the truth is, everything feels pretty surreal. It's hard to imagine never again having to sit those lecture halls I've been attending for four years now, and never again seeing the familiar university landscape. Most of all, this year I've definitely strived to be more social and "hang out" with people more which has turned out to be both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I've felt like I have been able to experience more of the "typical college" type of life involving going to parties, staying out late and beer pong. On the flip side, I feel as if it's going to make me miss everyone even more.
Firstly, there's my Badminton Club friends. I've become a lot closer with them this past year and, to be honest, Badminton Club has been a huge part of my life at Uni. It was really the first place where I felt a sense of community (since I immediately did not fit with the typical "frat boy" white guys in Eng.) and it was a great escape from school work. We really had a great group dynamic and I just want to record one moment here because I know it'll make me happy when I go back and read in the future. After the last day of Club this year, we were just fooling around, vaguely wondering what we should do. And then, very spontaneously, we noticed someone had left floor hockey equipment outside of the gym. So, we played a very fun game of r 4v4 floor hockey. It was physically exhausting but everyone was laughing the whole time. Ultimately, Badminton Club made me feel at home at a time in my life when I was truly beginning to feel homesick and miss high school back in first year.
Then, there's my Apple Math friends who I've definitely become more close with this year probably because, as mentioned before, I've been more social and attended more parties/hangouts. I also realized that I'm not that different from them. As we casually joke around, we're all nerds here. I'll miss the unique atmosphere of hanging around in the cave and playing Halo/Startcraft.
Then, there's other random people like J and D. But they probably deserve a blog post of their own.
Honestly, my emotions today weren't even correlated to the people I was going to miss (I just naturally started talking about it once I began to write this blog) but more of the University atmosphere in this town. I'll honestly miss it so much. I also realized today, though I had of course known it all along, that I'm so grateful to have amazing Professors and mentors along the way. When I was talking about a possible prof I might work with next year, he mentioned how great my letters of reference were and that really did tug at my heartstrings. I think its pretty rare to find people who actually take an interest in your well-being and want you to succeed and will do anything they can to help you. But, of course, I should be telling my Profs this rather than telling myself - and I will.
Ultimately, the reason I'll miss this place so much is because of fact that I enjoyed my time here and, I think, developed a lot as a person. It's bitter-sweet but I suppose that's just the nature of any period one enjoys in their life. But these four years have really been a journey and sometimes I've been very uncertain with regards to not knowing what to do next, what program to go into, how to pay tuition, what to do for the summer. But somehow, things always seemed to work out. I'm not sure if this is due to fate, or the fact that I was just motivated to succeed, or both. It's hard to tell.
In the end, I've had people ask me "Do your life would have been any different if you had went to University X instead?" I think that's a stupid question. No one can accurately quantify how differently their life would have been or how they would have felt if they chose a different path, so why bother even speculating. What I do know, and the only thing that I believe is important, is that I've enjoyed the path that I chose for University and I think it has given me a good foundation for success in the future. And really, that's all that matters.
