What would make a fulfilling life ?

[Note] It's been a long time since I published a blog but just in case my whole 3 readers actually care, I'm going to start making some private ones public again (with names/places mostly redacted). Maybe someone will find it interesting one day...

It was actually a pretty relaxing weekend. I was here and we all sat down to watch Daughters of Destiny on Netflix for 4 hours which is basically just a documentary about this wealthy guy who took it upon himself to built a school in India for the underprivileged. It helped me to reflect on my values and what was important to me in life - I've always wanted to help others and I think if I was able to complete a project like Dr. George then I would feel like my life was very fulfilling and the time I spent living it would seem worthwhile.

Thinking about it more concretely, I think the only "real" worthwhile things one can do to have a fulfilling life are:

1.) Create some art form of great value (that captures a generation or a major theme - such as 1984 or House for Mr Biswas or Rabbit Run)

2.) Make some fundamental discovery in science/technology or advance engineering/build useful infrastructure.

3.) Educate and help others who are underprivileged 

I think beyond that, nothing else really matters when it comes to living a fulfilling life. Of course, just from a statistics point of view, not everyone can make some major contribution to society but what's important is to view it as a goal that you strive towards. I do believe that our time and presence on earth is a rare gift and we should utilize it the best that we can.

Of course, I don't want to see it as a chore. I want to see it as my mission and something that I enjoy - while it's fun to sometimes just relax and play video games, I think without an over-aching goal to work towards I would easily get depressed.

Another thing that documentary did is make me question my current situation in life. I'm not so naive to think that I'm doing something fundamental or amazing for society - I think it's a decent product and has some usefulness to people (unlike, say, FB which is kind of evil). But, when I think about what I really wanted it was more about just like chasing the prestige of a fancy ML job and for my own ego and to solve interesting technical problems. However, more and more, I'm starting to think that I'm over that phase now - I wrote a paper and by doing so I've proved to myself I can win at that game so why not try something else ?

Maybe that new game is about working on more fundamental research in AI, maybe it's something completely different like VR, maybe it's about finishing a story that I'm actually proud of and can get published. It could be a lot of things - but I think it's time to do something new. I was waiting for a sign and now that ?? announced he was leaving today I think it's time for me to seriously consider moving on as well.

Internal Motivation

There are numerous reasons to be motivated in this world. Some of us are driven by the accumulation of wealth while others are propelled by an insatiable thirst for knowledge. But ultimately, our motivators fall into two broad categories — they are either internal or external. We are either motivated to accomplish certain goals because of our own internal beliefs or due to external influences such as society, family or friends. My goal in writing this article is to remind you that your own internal motivators will always be more reliable than external ones and far more instrumental to your success.

Of course, this seems natural at first — why would anyone not be motivated to do something they truly wanted for themselves? The answer is because of inertia. Inertia, as defined in physics, is the ability of any object to resist changes in its state/motion. If one applies the concept of inertia to their own life then things begin to make a lot more sense. Inertia is the reason why it seems so difficult to change your lifestyle especially when you don’t have a lot of external support. External support effectively reduces inertia — it’s easier to get started on a new journey when you have friends and family cheering you on.

Thus far, it seems like I’m doing a poor job defending the idea the idea that internal motivators are superior. But, let’s take a closer look at what external motivational really is. Being motivated by an external force means that the fuel which drives you is essentially the (positive) actions of others. But, we can’t fully control the actions of others — the only actions we can truly control are our own. As such, external motivators tend to influence you to rely less on your own mental strength and more on the positive feedback loop created by the praise of others. This leads one down a very dangerous path.

Essentially, living a life which hinges on external motivators is akin to taking a car on a road trip but having no control over when you can stop for fuel. If there’s a steep hill you need to climb then you better sincerely hope someone or something provides you with the fuel you need to overcome it. Sure, your friends and family might be supportive of your startup at first — but after a few months without any progress perhaps they’ll begin to give up hope. At that point, you need to rely on your own internal motivation to push through this obstacle and succeed. The bottom line is that if your energy comes from within then your success is less contingent on the actions of others and more on your own abilities.

I recently struggled with this conflict between internal and external motivators in my own life. I’ve always enjoyed playing sports, especially badminton, but for the last few months I decided to spend more time working out at the gym instead. The reason for this was, quite honestly, very external. Many of my co-workers go to the gym religiously and it kind of influenced me to start going with them as well. I enjoyed the feeling that came when my friends consistently told me I was looking more fit and in shape. But something happened when I went home for the Christmas break and didn’t interact with my usual circle of friends for a while — I stopped going to the gym for over a month.

The explanation behind my actions was quite simple — I just didn’t care enough on a personal level about going to the gym. Thus, when I encountered this first hurdle and my sense of external motivation was no longer there, this habit could not be sustained. On the other hand, when I came back from Christmas break, I started playing badminton again because it was an activity I legitimately enjoyed “deep down”. It didn’t matter that very few of my close friends or co-workers barely even understand what competitive badminton really is. At the end of the day, I felt more satisfied because I did it for me. After a few months, it’s clear to me now that I am much more dedicated about going to play badminton than I ever was about going to the gym.

At the end of the day, I’m a firm believer in the fact that true happiness comes from within. We don’t need to be told what should make us content — it’s something we are all innately aware of on an intrinsic level. You know when you’ve done a good job not because someone told you but due to the fact that you performed to the best of your ability. That is why you should always pursue what you believe in — even if the journey will be arduous. There are a plethora of examples where great individuals achieve success simply because they pursued a line of thinking that seemed unconventional at the time. They were able to preserve because of internal motivation — they truly believed in their cause even if no one else did.

Ultimately, both external and internal motivators can have a powerful effect on our actions. However, the difference between them is that internal motivators will always be more sustainable in the long run whereas the external motivators tend to be much more fickle. That is why one should not be afraid to overcome inertia and follow their true interests.

Structure

You might not know it from reading this blog, but I'm a pretty laid back person. In my free time (ie. not at school or work), I don't usually have a plan about what I'm going to do. Or on the weekend, if I don't have any work, I don't really plan how I'll spend it. Sure, I have some vague ideas but I don't like being restricted by a schedule or a specific time.

Basically, while I believe every society and every person's life needs some of structure to function I think that nowadays people try to implement TOO much structure in their lives - especially in their so called "free" time. This leads to people being unhappy overall since they always have this kind of "schedule" they need to follow in the back of their mind. What does it matter if you're 10 mins late to meet a friend or don't get to watch your favourite tv show right on time - if you're already happy in the moment. I think society in general forces too much structure on people. The education system for example - students aren't allowed to discover and pursue conclusions for themselves but rather are expected to memorize equations and do repetitive "drill" exercises. This ruins the entire beauty of learning - but I'll try to elaborate on how I would improve education specifically in another post.

This post was really motivated by a random "personality" quiz a friend made me take. One of the questions which was phrased something like "deadlines seem more of a relative, rather than absolute importance to you" definitely stood out. That's is EXACTLY how I feel about so many things in life and it's unfortunate because people who I truly am close with like my dad and sister seem to be so caught up with doing things on time. They are slaves to this inherent belief that you if you do things in a specific order or way you'll feel happier - but I think its the complete opposite.

Now don't get me wrong - I agree that we all need deadlines for things like school and work or else nothing would ever get done. But at the same time, I feel like deadlines are so fabricated. Most of the time, you don't know how long a project will take before you really get started. And besides, in an "ideal" world people would work as hard as they possibly could because they truly care. I think really being interested in a project is much more important than deadlines.

And, I really do believe most deadlines are relative. I'm often late for class by 5 or 10 minutes in the morning just cause I know it doesn't really matter if I'm there at 8:30 or 8:40. I can still understand and absorb information - so why should I rush and stress out in the morning about getting to school on time? Life is far too short to worry about being on time for every little thing and I feel I see so many people who just burdened by this need to always be on time or always have things planned out.

However, society just can't be laid back and everyone can't just do things at their own pace. Sometimes, things do need to have a very specific indication of when they will happen - like the time a bus or plane leaves or when you should show up a job interview (though that's mostly for equiette reasons). The reason I don't mind being "late" is not because I don't care but I just simply think, in a lot of instances, time isn't worth worrying about.

Now I accept the fact that, to some degree, being punctual is essential to succeed in school and life. But what about on your own free time or at a social event with friends? In these cases, I feel its best to not worry about time but just go with the flow. Planning too much of having too much of a structure just seems to ruin everything. Like, for example, I could never see myself really planning a trip a year or a few months in advance since well - how do I know if I'd still even feel like going then? I'd rather just plan a trip a week ahead of time. Most people think are so clever and organized planning stuff in advance but I think they are foolish - life is about being happy at the present not trying to plan for some thing you "believe" will make you happy in the future. I only know how I feel now, at this very moment, and human emotions are very suspect to change. For example, there are times when I want to hangout with friends and other times where I just want to sit at home and read a book. Why should I plan ahead weeks in advance to hangout with friends just to not feel like it at the time?

Now, I guess that sounds kind of selfish. But, at the end of the day, the only person we need to TRULY need to live with is ourselves. Being punctual a should be left for school/work/paying bills. Society is already structured enough as it is - I don't think its too much to ask to have a few days or moments when we can really not have to worry about planning.

Society and Control

     The last blog I wanted to write is a quick one about an idea I had when I was driving home with my dad and brother. We were discussing about how police give people speeding tickets and how it takes up a lot of police resources just in order for this task to be accomplished. I suggested that why not just have radar traps along the highway at intervals to track when a car is going over a certain speed and then tag their license plate. Despite the fact that it might be hard to actually get a good picture of someone’s license plate with a roadside camera my brother brought up an interesting point that people would actually hate this. And it’s definitely true. People would protest at the thought of not being able to bend the rules a little bit or at the thought of the fact that they would almost ALWAYS get caught for exceeding the speed limit.

Anyway, I didn’t mean for that anecdote to be too long it was just to lead into a more general thought I had about society. It seems that while people in society are constantly clamouring for control and order and stability, there is a definite need for the enforcement of laws to be somewhat ambiguous. In order words, there needs to be obvious imperfections in the laws and how they are enforced for people to really be happy. If everyone was flawlessly caught every time they broke a law, people would hate it. They would call it totalitarian and an invasion of their privacy. 1984-esque, no doubt? But at the same time, one could argue that these invasions of privacy or totalitarian laws are only to strengthen society by allowing no one to be above the law.

      So it’s a real catch 22. People want security, but at the same time I guess they need to believe there’s little loopholes and not everything will be seriously enforced. In other words, I guess they need some room to breathe. Why is this the case? I’m not entirely sure. Apart from the obvious part about society failing, I don’t see the big deal as long as it was not another human judging us. Maybe a computer system that could analyze whether someone was doing something right/wrong without any bias. But this leads into a whole other philosophical debate…about humanity building god with it’s own hands and how counter-intuitive it would be for some kind of software entity to judge us since of course, it’s not even human. Yet the irony is, why would some kind of higher “god” be anything like a human anyway? As in, have emotions like a human…to be omnipotent would it not have to judge us in an unbiased way? I think it’s almost demeaning to ascribe human emotions to a truly omnipotent “god” or one which might’ve created us. How could we /possibly/ relate to its emotions? It’s like an ant trying to relate to a human. Either way, it doesn’t make much sense to me.
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