So, I guess it's time for the annual review of the previous year. Though I suppose I'm kind of cheating because it's actually a few days after the new year - January 4th (Sunday) to be exact. For some scene setting, I'm sitting here at my parents place at 2am, before I "officially" have to go back to work the next day. The nice part is that I am working from home but one of my experiments at work over the break actually seemed to go very well, so I might have to work extra anyway in order to "launch" it. But, I feel that the moment I start to do work is the moment my holiday "break" truly ends, so it was important to me to write this blog post first, even if I end up doing work until 5am or so.
The Christmas break was less relaxing than I hoped - my mom was pretty sick (and I had an on-and-off flu mostly) so she complained more than usual about being tired and not getting enough help. I empathize with her a lot because there's no reason why she should have to do the bulk of the chores/cooking now that we're all adults and I do think my brother understands this as well, but her and my sister don't really understand each other. I don't want to dwell on this too much, I think it's sufficient to say there were a lot of family conflicts that made this holiday less-than-enjoyable and more stressful than it should have been, but all we can do is try to do something different next year - whether it's visiting for a shorter period of time, going somewhere new for Christmas, etc. Overall, the point is that my parents are getting older (esp. my mom) and we can't expect them to keep carrying the burden of performing all these holiday traditions. This is something I worry a lot about when they pass away - who will have the knowledge to carry on these traditions? To cook turkey and stuff in the way my mom does it? Perhaps that's why the cookbook is so important but it would just be a shallow imitation on what having my mom around for the holidays is really like. But perhaps this is worth it's own post so I'll try to shelve it for now.
Anyway, 2025. It was one of the most eventful years in recent memory, at least post COVID anyway. I had told some other friends but it felt like 2025 was almost like 3 years crammed into one owing to all the new changes and experiences in my life that occurred. Some highlights include:
1.) Getting a new job (obviously) and forming new friendships for the first time in a while
2.) Traveling again with friends (Banff/Calgary and Seattle/Vancouver)
3.) Relationship stuff with S and K (interestingly, a topic of last year's post...)
4.) Some new fitness goals (half marathon / 10k)
But, let's get right into the review and retrospective (ugh, why does this remind me of my annual review at work...)
Reflections on predictions from last year's blog post
In my 2024 review post, my goals for 2025 were:
1.) Secure AI research job, start it in Feb-Mar and make a great first impression
2.) Fix sleep schedule , get 8 hours a day
3.) Finish editing story / send to Gail / publish it
3.) Half-Marathon and/or badminton tournament
4.) Real relationship with S or K ...?
1 is a bit cringe but I would say I mostly achieved it, I guess I forgot how much it meant to me back then, it feels like I've just gotten accustomed to it being part of my normal routine now. Though there is an element of prestige/ego attached to what I do now but I need to remember to be humble about it and use it to genuinely help or give advice to others, rather than going down the path of arrogance etc.
2 definitely didn't happen, though my health/fitness was surprisingly OK this year and I didn't get seriously sick. But sleep debt was definitely a real thing, many nights I would leave the office at 1am and only get 5-6 hours of sleep, but somehow I was able to manage it maybe because of all the novelty about working at ??
3 happened to some extent though, owing to the new job, I didn't really work on creative hobbies that much. BUT I did read an excerpt from my story at the Writer's workshop and sent the first pages to K so there is that
4 definitely happened, I would say I hit/achieved my fitness goals this past year
5 deserves it's own section but I would say I made progress in that direction even though it's not completely resolved yet
Scorecard
Fitness / Physical Health - 4.5/5
Despite the lack of sleep, I felt pretty healthy in 2025. I was able to do a 10k for real (and almost did a half-marathon distance in training) which felt like a big accomplishment to me, especially since I could barely run a mile when I started. I also played a lot more badminton and did skating with K&A, along with a ton of hiking in Banff, so I would definitely say I was happy physically in 2025 and want to continue this momentum into 2026 (though, of course, I'm being fat and lazy over the holidays...)
Mental Health - 3.5/5
Starting a new job was quite stressful and there was a lot of imposter syndrome at first. A lot of it was around the ?? code red about 1-2 months after I joined and then the 5.xx releases where I had a major contribution (babysitting). I remember being quite stressed at that time, wondering if I would get fired but, honestly, it all turned out OK in the end. I realized that even though researchers work quite hard at OAI, everyone is quite nice and helpful in general (at least those that I interacted with).
So, mental health wise, things did get easier after the summer and I feel more comfortably starting something new now for sure.
Creative Hobbies (Writing, ML research etc.) - 2/5
I alluded to this above, but there wasn't much progress here but I guess just due to a lack of time rather than a lack of motivation on my part. I did read an excerpt at the WS in-person session, which I guess meant that I overcame some type of mental barrier at the very least. But honestly, I was hoping to make a lot more progress on writing my book or just exploring other ideas I had. I hope if I'm more secure/chill with my job in 2026 that I can get back to some of the more creative hobbies I wanted to pursue.
Career / Academics - 4.5/5
I didn't do a startup but it's pretty clear that I'm in one of the most prestigious places/roles for AI research right now so I think this is an unequivocally good thing for my career right now. And hopefully from a financial POV as well, though I don't think it's ever really about that.
Goals for 2026
1.) Fitness - take badminton coaching lessons / really improve OR do an official half-marathon
2.) Sleep/Rest - just sleep more, I'm not naive enough to think the 8 hours a day thing will really manifest
3.) Career/Work - transfer to another (science-oriented) team or do a startup or explore my own research ideas. I don't feel too strongly about this one though because I think since I'm doing something new now that there's still a lot of juice to squeeze (ie. learn) and I'll never be coasting the way I was at my previous job
4.) Dating/Social - Clarify things with K (probably she doesn't want it) and maybe try to re-connect with S (though I'm fine if that ship has sailed). I could start dating again but, honestly, it just doesn't feel like a big priority for me right now
5.) Hobbies - Submit book for publication / finish the first round of edits. Make it more artsy and authetic.
6.) Hobbies - Do the cookbook for mom (by her birthday at least!) and more writing of your own
Final Thoughts
To be honest, I don't feel as strongly about the goals defined above as I had in recent years, I think 2025 was already a great stepping stone towards my goals and doing something different. I feel excited in an unexpected way because it feels like there's so many possibilities open in 2026 that it makes me cautiously optimistic about the future. I say this in contrast to some "normies" like KW (doctor guy from my hometown) who's life already seems to be charted out for him and he just needs to execute on it.
I'm proud of how I lived my life in 2025 and I think that's not a statement I could make as definitively in past years. I liked that I did new things that seemed to have made me a better person or at least collected new experiences (especially talking to 7am with K - not just materialistic things like traveling etc.). In 2026, I would like to continue making progress towards my goals while also remaining a good person and being someone close friends can trust. But I hope I can be even more autonomous and self-motivated about it rather than just seeking out what seems to be prestigious (ie. working as a researcher at ??). Though, it is definitely related to clout, I think being a researcher is a great experience and stepping stone so I don't fault myself at all for doing it - it's just that once I accumulate enough prestige/money I need to be ready to take the next step and strike out to pursue my creative passions in an independent way. I don't want to be stuck on the hedonistic treadmill especially after I've reached the point where I'm fine to get off any time I want.
This post is disjointed, I know. But it's almost 3am here now and I need to go respond to work stuff (sigh) so this is the best I can do to blurt my thoughts out into these words. See you for 2026 review in about a year and hopefully lots of more insights in between then :)
