I recently finished reading Catcher in the Rye again for the second time. It still definitely remains one of my all time favourite novels and for good reason. But I'm not writing this post to talk about why I think Catcher in the Rye is a great novel, it's more of an analysis type post.
When I read Catcher in the Rye for the first time in Grade 11 I think what I liked (and remembered) most about it was Holden's observations of the phoniness in adults. I believe that I thought that I could relate to his insightful view of the world where he sees many establishments (such as school) and adults as "phony". I could relate to this, as being in high school, I felt that many things were indeed "phony" especially some of the people that I knew at the time. I could understand how Holden would just like to get away from it all, and become a recluse and a "deaf mute" in his own words. Basically, I felt as if I could relate most to Holden with regards to his life at school (swearing, curse words etc) and how he felt about the majority of the people there. Additionally, it made me think about the inappropriate "fuck yous" that I had often seen inscribed in hallways/bathrooms. Oh ALSO, I thought that I could definitely relate to Holden's "teenage angst" being at that stage in my life. I felt as if I just had some sort of inherent frustration towards establishment and people who seemed phony. It's tough to explain.
Life is interesting in that sometimes you don't really notice how much you've changed. It's hard to say what I found interesting back in Grade 11, but I think that I got most of it down. What really intrigued me is that parts of the books that I focused on more now that I was older. It's hard to believe that Grade 11 was almost 3 years ago. God, I feel old and somewhat depressed just typing that line out. The first thing I noticed when reading this time was more related to Holden's immature and his ability to seem truly like a child at times. I think this is perhaps more evidence pointing to the fact that I_have_matured. Either that, or I've just turned into a huge phony. The bottom line is that Holden doesn't seem as astute as I first thought but he gives an interesting perspective on society nonetheless even if it is a very biased one.
One of the main themes I also realized through Holden's immaturity is that society and the people it in are complicated. Holden is confused because on his adventure his interaction with others do not perfectly fit the perspective of society he has created for himself - a place where all adults are phonies and all children are innocent. For example, Holden's conversations with the Nuns on the subway confuses him because it helps him realize there are seemingly "good" adults out there.
Now the average reader might think that Holden is just stupid. Of course society and people are complex. Of course things aren't black and white. But I feel Holden's problem is one which echoes in the everyday lives of many people, including myself. Many people tend to create unrealistic views of the world where things do have black and white categories. And similar to Holden, people feel threatened and downright ignore any evidence that might challenge their views. I think Holden's situation is an indication that once again we need to start reflecting and thinking "outside the box".
But, more specifically, on Holden's view about all adults being phonies I can't say that I'm entirely convinced as I was when I first read the novel. Once again, my experiences in university have broaden my perspective on the different types of adults (and just people that there are out in the world).
Another major theme is innocence, especially in children. Innocence is a big thing I discovered when first coming to university. Now that it's been almost a year I feel that I've seen, done, and been exposed to far "darker" things that I would've liked. Looking back now, I was pretty innocent in high school. But I can't say I agree with Holden wanting to rub off all the "fuck you's" in elementary schools. Sooner or later, people have to be exposed to the way of the world. A better option would be to try and change the mentality of the people rather than simply delaying an inevitable truth.
Speaking of changes in University one of the feelings I can relate more with Holden now is the somewhat childish wish that things could be unchanging and preserved. When Holden goes into the museum he wishes that the world could be still forever just like the figures in glass cases that he sees. After going off to university, the world seems to be moving at an alarming pace - much faster than I ever wanted it to. I think we all have a need for consistency somewhere in our lives.
Perhaps the last way I felt I could connect with Holden is just through his ability to simply want someone to talk to who he didn't think was a phony. Throughout the entire novel, he basically spends the whole time searching for someone that he can just relate to but when he actually likes someone (like the Nuns) circumstances force them apart or he ends up just getting stick of someone after a while and thinking they are phony. This has really paralleled my first year of university, in a way. I feel like I've been searching for someone to relate to or even care about in but I end up either not liking them after hanging out with them for a while or just thinking they are sort of phony - just like the masses of people. However, while I have met people who do stand out to me there are always some circumstances which make it impossible for me to really get to know them any better. I think sometimes, as Dessi said, I just expect too much.
The last line in the novel is "Don't ever tell anyone anything, if you do you end up missing everybody." Holden says that even though he hated some of the people he went to boarding school with at the time he eventually misses them in the end. I feel that I understand this line more now too. There's plenty of people I didn't particularly like or even care about that I went to high school with. But sometimes when I see them on facebook, or talk to them briefly on msn I can't help but miss them in a way. At the time of leaving, I didn't care that I wouldn't see them again. But some things in life just need time to saturate. Will I feel the same way about the people I've met in University as well?
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
2+2=5
Is it possible that 2+2 = 5 could be true if everyone thinks it is? Who even said that 2+2 = 4? Is this some inherent property of the universe? Even if it is "true", why should it matter to humanity?
George Orwell thought so and, for some sad reason, I'm starting to think so too. Once again, I think this mentality is just another depressing truth I've discovered as I move along this tread mill of life.
For those not familiar with the particular scene in 1984, it's when O Brien informs Winston that the fundamental truth of the universes all depend on what the Party says. 2+2 = 5 if the Party wills it. Objects don't fall to the earth because of gravity, they fall because the Party wants them too. Of course, at first, Winston thinks this is absurd. But slowly, he comes to realize that when only you believe something to be true you begin to doubt the sanity of your own thoughts - despite how outlandish the thoughts of the masses might seem.
I have found myself in similar situations many times, but none of them are more profound than when it comes to memories. I pride myself on having what I consider to be quite an astute memory, I tend to be able to recall minor details and generate powerful recollections if I really think about it. The point, recently, I was creeping someone from my past on my facebook and all of a sudden all these memories suddenly started coming back to me. And the thing is, they probably seem trivial to anyone but me. I doubt the person in question even remembers the events that transpired. So that leaves me with the question - should it even be called real?
The logical response is, "Well of course, it did happen after all" but the more practical point of view is that perhaps sadly, those memories only exist in my mind now. What if that information really exists no one else but in my head now? Only existing in some complicated set of synaptic connections and even that might fade away in time. And that information might be lost forever. It's something that scares me a lot, to be honest. I think I have a big problem with things just disappearing without me knowing.
Are we constantly losing parts of who we used to be? And parts of who we are? Or are they just hidden beneath the surface? Anyway, I digress. The point is that, what if no one else even remembers but me? I might as well have made up a story in my head about that person and called it the "truth". In fact, what if the time comes when I can't even distinguish between what memories are real and perhaps the little additions I've subconsciously made to my memories to make things seem better? Maybe that's already happened to me.
The point is, does it even matter if you remember the truth or not? If no one is around to verify or remember it with you? It's like that old saying about a tree falling in the woods. But I believe that it is important to remember the truth. But maybe it's just too hard if no one else is there to believe with you. Maybe if everyone else believes that 2+2 = 5 then that's simply enough for it to be true. Of course, I do think that using scientific examples is a bad idea, since perhaps they can be proven empirically. But what about memories? No one can verify that the memories I still hold in my mind are accurate, because memories aren't something that can be "proven" like a mathematical proof or what not.
I think the point I want to get across to myself is that as I get older, I feel scared that everyone else will simply "forget" old memories of the past that seem important to me. And then, will I really be able to call them anything? I just wish sometimes that humans were more like computers, with reliable space where information can be stored. Instead, we're left not only knowing where information is stored but relying on others to validate that information. I guess the bottom line is that I shouldn't need others remembering to validate what I supposedly know to be true. But...memories just don't seem as special if no one is around to remember the things that you do. Then you just feel crazy.
George Orwell thought so and, for some sad reason, I'm starting to think so too. Once again, I think this mentality is just another depressing truth I've discovered as I move along this tread mill of life.
For those not familiar with the particular scene in 1984, it's when O Brien informs Winston that the fundamental truth of the universes all depend on what the Party says. 2+2 = 5 if the Party wills it. Objects don't fall to the earth because of gravity, they fall because the Party wants them too. Of course, at first, Winston thinks this is absurd. But slowly, he comes to realize that when only you believe something to be true you begin to doubt the sanity of your own thoughts - despite how outlandish the thoughts of the masses might seem.
I have found myself in similar situations many times, but none of them are more profound than when it comes to memories. I pride myself on having what I consider to be quite an astute memory, I tend to be able to recall minor details and generate powerful recollections if I really think about it. The point, recently, I was creeping someone from my past on my facebook and all of a sudden all these memories suddenly started coming back to me. And the thing is, they probably seem trivial to anyone but me. I doubt the person in question even remembers the events that transpired. So that leaves me with the question - should it even be called real?
The logical response is, "Well of course, it did happen after all" but the more practical point of view is that perhaps sadly, those memories only exist in my mind now. What if that information really exists no one else but in my head now? Only existing in some complicated set of synaptic connections and even that might fade away in time. And that information might be lost forever. It's something that scares me a lot, to be honest. I think I have a big problem with things just disappearing without me knowing.
Are we constantly losing parts of who we used to be? And parts of who we are? Or are they just hidden beneath the surface? Anyway, I digress. The point is that, what if no one else even remembers but me? I might as well have made up a story in my head about that person and called it the "truth". In fact, what if the time comes when I can't even distinguish between what memories are real and perhaps the little additions I've subconsciously made to my memories to make things seem better? Maybe that's already happened to me.
The point is, does it even matter if you remember the truth or not? If no one is around to verify or remember it with you? It's like that old saying about a tree falling in the woods. But I believe that it is important to remember the truth. But maybe it's just too hard if no one else is there to believe with you. Maybe if everyone else believes that 2+2 = 5 then that's simply enough for it to be true. Of course, I do think that using scientific examples is a bad idea, since perhaps they can be proven empirically. But what about memories? No one can verify that the memories I still hold in my mind are accurate, because memories aren't something that can be "proven" like a mathematical proof or what not.
I think the point I want to get across to myself is that as I get older, I feel scared that everyone else will simply "forget" old memories of the past that seem important to me. And then, will I really be able to call them anything? I just wish sometimes that humans were more like computers, with reliable space where information can be stored. Instead, we're left not only knowing where information is stored but relying on others to validate that information. I guess the bottom line is that I shouldn't need others remembering to validate what I supposedly know to be true. But...memories just don't seem as special if no one is around to remember the things that you do. Then you just feel crazy.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Self Aware
I'm going to take a break from blogging about events in my day to day life and try to take a step outside the box. So without further ado...
So, I was reading this Neuroscience textbook on Monday just for general interest and ended up reading some sections completely unrelated to my research. One of the sections had to do with the theory of sleep, dreams and how they affect our brain. The other had to do with emotions and how people respond to them. However, the section I found the most fascinating was a small section about self-awareness and how it makes humans unique.
The section posed the idea that humans are clearly different from both animals (though we have no way of knowing this) and machines (we know this for sure) in that humans are self aware. More specifically, if I was to look in the mirror I can recognize and realize that the person staring back at me is...physically who I am and what others see me as. I have the very special ability to recognize myself and recognize the fact that I do exist. Whatever "existing" really means.
I believe that this is perhaps one of the only ways humans are really fundamentally different from machines. The more I read about neuroscience the more the brain seems like a biological computer. Albeit, a very complex computer which operates in a way that we can't understand or really compare that fully to how modern computers operate. But it pretty much seems like neurons process inputs and generate outputs to other neurons through means of electrical/chemical signals. Really, while I think the brain is complicated and how it functions is mysterious I don't think it makes humans special. If we really are special.
Anyway, back to why we are different from machines. A machine does not really know it's a machine, it does not know if it exists or why it exists for the function that it does. All it does is "do". Humans, for better or for worse, have the ability to question ALL that we do. What I really want to get into is something that both angers and saddens me about people sometime. That people sometimes seem to forgo perhaps the one attribute which makes us unique just for the sake of simplicity. Of course, I'm talking about self awareness.
I recently read "Breakfast of Champions" by Kurt Vonnegut. This basic plot of this book is that a man goes crazy because he gets the idea that everyone else around him is really a machine and that he is the only one who can really "think". As such, he has no problem killing or hurting other people because he simply sees them as just machines. Now, apart of the violence, I believe this is a very interesting premise. In a depressing sense, it seems like too many people nowadays are simply too focused on just moving forward in life, but they aren't taking the time to step back and really THINK about WHY. They aren't taking a step back to look at themselves in a mirror in a both figurative and possibly even literal sense. I see inklings of this trait in people all the time (even in myself), people so caught up in things for no reason other than the sake of having something to be "caught up" in. This could extend to so many areas - school, religion, relationships. It's depressing almost. It's depressing that sometimes society tries to strip us of the one thing that could possibly make humans unique in exchange for cooperation and conformity.
To whoever is reading this, including myself, I urge that perhaps you take some time to step back and look outside the box. Way outside the box. Think of WHY the things you think are important are really important. And if they should be important. Of course, I realize this kind of thinking is bad for you to an extent. There are those rare times where this state of thinking makes me feel much like the man in that Kurt Vonnegut novel I was just talking about. I sometimes feel like everyone else around me is just caught up in trivial things that have no real significance to well...anything, but perhaps some selfish part of their character. Then I invariably think about my own life, and the things I hold dear to me. Even they seem quite pointless as well. But pointless compared to what? Maybe I mean pointless compared to the capacity in which we have to think and imagine.
In a way, I think the ability of self awareness is humanity's most damning trait. For those who don't recognize it, they are missing out on what could make the human experience unique and might be simply stuck in a rut. For those who do embrace it and think about it occasionally they realize that maybe nothing in life will be good enough to compete with this fundamental idea of knowing we exist. It's a real catch 22 and the ultimate way life has found to troll us all. It's almost like giving someone the gift of being able to see colors but forcing them to live in a world that is predominantly monochrome (black and white). Of course, they know there's A BIT of color (blues, greens, reds etc) out there...but its so scarce some people would rather just pretend they only know about black and white. But for those who DO accept other colors are out there, they might never find them or never find enough of them. That's how I see the world, at least.
But I don't think I'll turn back, and I hope I never fall back into things which I think are pointless. I'd rather take nothing than something. Really, this might not even be a choice at all. Perhaps nothing was all there ever was.
So, I was reading this Neuroscience textbook on Monday just for general interest and ended up reading some sections completely unrelated to my research. One of the sections had to do with the theory of sleep, dreams and how they affect our brain. The other had to do with emotions and how people respond to them. However, the section I found the most fascinating was a small section about self-awareness and how it makes humans unique.
The section posed the idea that humans are clearly different from both animals (though we have no way of knowing this) and machines (we know this for sure) in that humans are self aware. More specifically, if I was to look in the mirror I can recognize and realize that the person staring back at me is...physically who I am and what others see me as. I have the very special ability to recognize myself and recognize the fact that I do exist. Whatever "existing" really means.
I believe that this is perhaps one of the only ways humans are really fundamentally different from machines. The more I read about neuroscience the more the brain seems like a biological computer. Albeit, a very complex computer which operates in a way that we can't understand or really compare that fully to how modern computers operate. But it pretty much seems like neurons process inputs and generate outputs to other neurons through means of electrical/chemical signals. Really, while I think the brain is complicated and how it functions is mysterious I don't think it makes humans special. If we really are special.
Anyway, back to why we are different from machines. A machine does not really know it's a machine, it does not know if it exists or why it exists for the function that it does. All it does is "do". Humans, for better or for worse, have the ability to question ALL that we do. What I really want to get into is something that both angers and saddens me about people sometime. That people sometimes seem to forgo perhaps the one attribute which makes us unique just for the sake of simplicity. Of course, I'm talking about self awareness.
I recently read "Breakfast of Champions" by Kurt Vonnegut. This basic plot of this book is that a man goes crazy because he gets the idea that everyone else around him is really a machine and that he is the only one who can really "think". As such, he has no problem killing or hurting other people because he simply sees them as just machines. Now, apart of the violence, I believe this is a very interesting premise. In a depressing sense, it seems like too many people nowadays are simply too focused on just moving forward in life, but they aren't taking the time to step back and really THINK about WHY. They aren't taking a step back to look at themselves in a mirror in a both figurative and possibly even literal sense. I see inklings of this trait in people all the time (even in myself), people so caught up in things for no reason other than the sake of having something to be "caught up" in. This could extend to so many areas - school, religion, relationships. It's depressing almost. It's depressing that sometimes society tries to strip us of the one thing that could possibly make humans unique in exchange for cooperation and conformity.
To whoever is reading this, including myself, I urge that perhaps you take some time to step back and look outside the box. Way outside the box. Think of WHY the things you think are important are really important. And if they should be important. Of course, I realize this kind of thinking is bad for you to an extent. There are those rare times where this state of thinking makes me feel much like the man in that Kurt Vonnegut novel I was just talking about. I sometimes feel like everyone else around me is just caught up in trivial things that have no real significance to well...anything, but perhaps some selfish part of their character. Then I invariably think about my own life, and the things I hold dear to me. Even they seem quite pointless as well. But pointless compared to what? Maybe I mean pointless compared to the capacity in which we have to think and imagine.
In a way, I think the ability of self awareness is humanity's most damning trait. For those who don't recognize it, they are missing out on what could make the human experience unique and might be simply stuck in a rut. For those who do embrace it and think about it occasionally they realize that maybe nothing in life will be good enough to compete with this fundamental idea of knowing we exist. It's a real catch 22 and the ultimate way life has found to troll us all. It's almost like giving someone the gift of being able to see colors but forcing them to live in a world that is predominantly monochrome (black and white). Of course, they know there's A BIT of color (blues, greens, reds etc) out there...but its so scarce some people would rather just pretend they only know about black and white. But for those who DO accept other colors are out there, they might never find them or never find enough of them. That's how I see the world, at least.
But I don't think I'll turn back, and I hope I never fall back into things which I think are pointless. I'd rather take nothing than something. Really, this might not even be a choice at all. Perhaps nothing was all there ever was.
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