Here's to 2014

Well, the start of a new year is fast approaching. While Jan 1, 2014 is just a normal day, its traditional that most people think of this day as something novel. A family friend at a dinner party I went to tonight said that "every day should be like New Year's since every day is a new adventure". I thought that quote was quite insightful as it shows that the only thing special about New Year's is that we make it special. But, I digress. This post isn't about how traditions create inefficiencies in society even though they are needed to mantain structure.


So anyway, at this time of year I guess its natural for me to reflect on the events of the last twelve months and what lies ahead in the upcoming year. It is kind of funny that every new year my mom always says something along the lines of  "this upcoming year is an important year for our family" as if all the previous years were unimportant by comparasion. But, in a sense, I guess the present is really all that matters since that's all we really have.



However, looking back, this year doesn't seem all that significant compared to the changes that will be happening in the upcoming one (presumably). The most significant aspects of this year were basically my experience working at a corporate job downtown and starting my final year of university. Of course, its ridiculous to just summarize what I thought of 2013 into a single sentence. Since, if you know anything about me, I believe that /everything/ we do is significant and even the most subtle actions help to dictate who we are and what we will become.

Nonetheless, I do suspect that next year will bring about a great deal of change to my life. And, in a way, I'm glad I have this sense of progression in my life to look forward to since maybe others do not. For one, I'm not quite sure where I'll be living (California? Ontario?) or what I'll be doing (working, school, etc...) but I"m pretty sure it'll be different than what I'm doing now.  I only hope that I set off on a path that is meaningful to me.

There are only really two things I want to mention before I end this post. The first is that while some goals might seem daunting (such as getting a certain type of a job) when we initially formulate them in our mind, they aren't nearly as bad once we take the first steps towards that goal. Its as if, previously, I was attempting to scale a huge mountain but was only staring at it from the base, worried about the sheer magnitude of the situation. But once you start taking the first few steps and tackle the actual problem, you can ignore the massive scope of the problem and just work at it - eventually, you'll reach the top or at least make some progress.  The point of this (somewhat lame) analogy was to remind myself that while some goals I have might seem truly complex or impossible at first, the only way things will ever seem easier is if I actually begin to work at it. This is especially true with some of my more outlandish goals such as writing a novel. So, if I wanted to give myself a "new year's resolution" it would simply be to get started on working towards some of the dreams/ideas I have floating around in the back of my mind.

The second thing I wanted to mention is that tonight I'm feeling somewhat nostalgic since, for the first time in about 3 years, I won't be home for New Years and instead will be spending it with my family in another place. I feel just a hint of bittersweet sadness when I think of how this might be the last time my friends and I  will ever have a new year's party back home since this year most of us are graduating and moving on to different things/places. And, unfortunately, I won't be there. I guess saying goodbye and growing up is never easy. And, as Holdon aptly noted in Catcher in the Rye once we start talking about how we feel we just end up missing everybody. And I suppose that's how I feel right now.

East of Eden

"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."








I've often wondered, in the whole scheme of human history, if we could somehow tally up all the "good" deeds and "bad" deeds that people have committed and assign a point value indicating the relative goodness/badness of a deed (ie. stealing from your brother = 1 badness point, killing your brother = 100 badness points), what would be the finally score? Is humanity overwhelmingly good or bad?


It seems to me that, unfortunately, the answer would have to be evil. Each new generation faces the same struggle between good and evil in their hearts as the one before it. Humans have done some cruel and terrible things - like enslaving fellow humans, torture, killing others for religious purposes. And I guess, to be fair, sometimes we remember the bad times more than the good times. But, no matter how egregious the acts we commit may seem,  as long as one still believes in the hope that they can change their ways, goodness will be present in society. And, I don't ever think that humans can fully extinguish the hope that things will get better. Well, except maybe people who commit suicide - but even that could just be due to them not realizing the magnitude of their decision.  Even Cathy Ames, the most "evil" character I've read about in literature thus far, showed remorse at some point.

So, the topic behind this post is basically due to the fact that I recently finished reading the acclaimed novel East of Eden by John Steinbeck. I thought it was one of the most thought-provoking and interesting novels I've read in a long time. I mean, I've read several good novels this summer that made me think but East of Eden made me want to just keep reading and not put it down. Anyway, the point of this post isn't to convince you to read the novel, but rather to talk more about what it means to me.

Basically the entire essence of the novel centers around the struggles of the main characters between the good and evil they have in their heart. Some characters, like Aron, are foolish and naive because they are too scared to accept that everyone is inherently evil in some way - or, at least, has the potential to be. This realization can be shocking. But evil is a part of humanity just as good is.  The most important idea the novel postulates is that we have the decision on whether we want our lives to ultimately be composed of good or evil deeds - and everyone has a basic idea of right and wrong.

This got me thinking about the role of good and evil in my own life. Do humans really have some kind of innate sense of what is right and wrong? Or does it just depend on the individual? Do people like serial killers and mass murderers really believe what they are doing is "OK" or do they just not care? Why do people derive happiness from seeing others suffer? Are we just build this way?

I guess I'm not so naive to not accept there's some "bad" parts of my psyche that kind of disgust me. But, it's a part of who I am. Is there any point trying to block or hide it away? I guess all I can try to do is find a balance that I can live with. I thought I'd have more to say but I really don't - this struggle, as Steinbeck says, is really the only struggle I have. Will I succumb to all my fears and inadequacies? Or will be able to make a positive impact with the brief time I have here? I guess, only time will tell.

Structure

You might not know it from reading this blog, but I'm a pretty laid back person. In my free time (ie. not at school or work), I don't usually have a plan about what I'm going to do. Or on the weekend, if I don't have any work, I don't really plan how I'll spend it. Sure, I have some vague ideas but I don't like being restricted by a schedule or a specific time.

Basically, while I believe every society and every person's life needs some of structure to function I think that nowadays people try to implement TOO much structure in their lives - especially in their so called "free" time. This leads to people being unhappy overall since they always have this kind of "schedule" they need to follow in the back of their mind. What does it matter if you're 10 mins late to meet a friend or don't get to watch your favourite tv show right on time - if you're already happy in the moment. I think society in general forces too much structure on people. The education system for example - students aren't allowed to discover and pursue conclusions for themselves but rather are expected to memorize equations and do repetitive "drill" exercises. This ruins the entire beauty of learning - but I'll try to elaborate on how I would improve education specifically in another post.

This post was really motivated by a random "personality" quiz a friend made me take. One of the questions which was phrased something like "deadlines seem more of a relative, rather than absolute importance to you" definitely stood out. That's is EXACTLY how I feel about so many things in life and it's unfortunate because people who I truly am close with like my dad and sister seem to be so caught up with doing things on time. They are slaves to this inherent belief that you if you do things in a specific order or way you'll feel happier - but I think its the complete opposite.

Now don't get me wrong - I agree that we all need deadlines for things like school and work or else nothing would ever get done. But at the same time, I feel like deadlines are so fabricated. Most of the time, you don't know how long a project will take before you really get started. And besides, in an "ideal" world people would work as hard as they possibly could because they truly care. I think really being interested in a project is much more important than deadlines.

And, I really do believe most deadlines are relative. I'm often late for class by 5 or 10 minutes in the morning just cause I know it doesn't really matter if I'm there at 8:30 or 8:40. I can still understand and absorb information - so why should I rush and stress out in the morning about getting to school on time? Life is far too short to worry about being on time for every little thing and I feel I see so many people who just burdened by this need to always be on time or always have things planned out.

However, society just can't be laid back and everyone can't just do things at their own pace. Sometimes, things do need to have a very specific indication of when they will happen - like the time a bus or plane leaves or when you should show up a job interview (though that's mostly for equiette reasons). The reason I don't mind being "late" is not because I don't care but I just simply think, in a lot of instances, time isn't worth worrying about.

Now I accept the fact that, to some degree, being punctual is essential to succeed in school and life. But what about on your own free time or at a social event with friends? In these cases, I feel its best to not worry about time but just go with the flow. Planning too much of having too much of a structure just seems to ruin everything. Like, for example, I could never see myself really planning a trip a year or a few months in advance since well - how do I know if I'd still even feel like going then? I'd rather just plan a trip a week ahead of time. Most people think are so clever and organized planning stuff in advance but I think they are foolish - life is about being happy at the present not trying to plan for some thing you "believe" will make you happy in the future. I only know how I feel now, at this very moment, and human emotions are very suspect to change. For example, there are times when I want to hangout with friends and other times where I just want to sit at home and read a book. Why should I plan ahead weeks in advance to hangout with friends just to not feel like it at the time?

Now, I guess that sounds kind of selfish. But, at the end of the day, the only person we need to TRULY need to live with is ourselves. Being punctual a should be left for school/work/paying bills. Society is already structured enough as it is - I don't think its too much to ask to have a few days or moments when we can really not have to worry about planning.

Subway Story

If you read this blog, then you probably know my outlook on life can be rather cynical sometimes. I believe that there are certain things that inately come with society - such as discrimnation and stereotypes. Heck, maybe they are even consequences of us simply being human beings - our natural tendency to distrust and alienate those who are different than us for our own safety.

However, even though it happened a few weeks ago, today I was reminded of a very interesting scene on the subway that helped me remember that, as humans, we aren't all that bad. It was late at night and I was coming home from a friend's house on the subway. I was tired and like most people on the subway, was avoiding contact with everyone. I was standing by the door and overheard a conversation between a father and his son about black history month. The son was inquiring about why there was slavery and why black people were treated that way. The father seemed ashamed, when he explained to his son (only about 9 or 10) that "back then" people didn't see people as different colors as equals. Then the son said something that I won't forget, he simply said "well even if they look different, they could be the same as us inside". Now, I"m not one to really get sentimental over phony things but my heart did warm up for a moment there. It's one thing to hear a child say that on t.v. or the internet...but to hear a child say that in real life did give me hope about how people really thought.

It helped to remind me that human nature is also one of curiosity and that, as humans, we are all the same on some fundamental level. It helped to remind me that progress has been made and I think in society most people are treated more equally than before. While there will always be stereotypes and progress towards how society views different people in general is slow, it is progress nonetheless. And it helped remind me that maybe the norm is naturally being cynical or dis-trusting. Maybe people were just too scared to change anything or stand up for equality. Anyway, I just believe that as humans we should embrace our commonality to move our society forward.

It's been awhile...

I've definitely taken a long break from blogging. This was partly due to a variety of reasons, but nonetheless, I think its time to return. I still believe its important to record my thoughts and how I feel as I continue along my journey in life.

It's Reading Week now and I've just recently been at home relaxing. It's been two years, but I feel like high school memories have really, truly, started to fade. When I talk about high school with my old friends now it really does feel like the PAST as opposed to, in my previous blog posts, when I'm pretty sure I expressed the sentiment that high school felt like just yesterday. I don't feel so attached to high school memories anymore either - which is good, because maybe it means I've made some new ones in university now as well. Nonetheless, there's always a sense of tranquility and calm about being home that makes it unique from anywhere else - even if its going for walks by myself or just staying up late doing nothing in particular. Being at home makes me feel like all the responsibilities of university and living by myself are more than physically just far away.

I also recently came to realize in life that sometimes you'll be forced to make decisions without knowing all the information about the possible alternative paths you can take. This realization was definitely triggered by my job dilemma for the past few weeks. Finally, I think I've decided on something though - I guess, in some sense, I went with the safer approach. It was difficult though - choosing one option over another without knowing what the other offer truly was. But I guess sometimes in life you just have to take what you know you have. I don't feel particularly great about this job, I don't feel like its the /perfect/ job for me, but I know it is a good one overall.

It's a fine balance in life between not looking back on your choices and also questioning if you are happy where you are and need to change. On one hand, when you choose something or make an important life decision I feel you need to pursue it fully and not half-hardheartedly - you need to try your best with respect to the path you've chosen. However, if you never question whether you are really happy or not with where you are in life then you won't ever be motivated to change. Personally, I think people require constant change and new interests to really be happy in life. But that's something I think I should elaborate on in a later post.

The last thing I wanted to mention is that I feel that my goal in life is just to improve and connect humanity as a whole. I don't want money or fame or even to be well-known, but I want to change the way people think. I had a conversation with my friend the other day about how religion serves to create divides between people and there's so many other things like that. I want unification and progress of the human race for us to move forward - scientifically and philosophically. It bothers me when I think about, for example, how much scientific progress we could have made if we did not get into these petty human squabbles about the correct religion or race. Anyway, maybe that's kind of ambitious and cheesy. But more and more I feel like the things that I am truly passionate about point towards goals such as that.

Well, that's it for now....