So, I'm back in the 6ix after quite a long stint on the west coast. It feels a bit surreal to transition to life at home and, for what seems like the first time, I feel like I could actually see myself staying in CA long term. The past few months haven't really been what I expected but, one thing I will say, is that they have been filled with new experiences. From meeting J at badminton to interviewing with KJ and Nicole, I actually had a lot of new interactions and, consequently, probably focused less on work.
Oh, I almost forgot to mention that I finally got an offer from the prestigious AI research company ??. I probably won't take it though - most likely due to no remote work and the fact that the team isn't really doing what I want (more focused on applied applications vs. pure research) though I can't deny that it felt good for my ego. In some ways, I wish that I had got this offer like 3-4 years ago so I could have devoted more time to growing my career but, who knows? Maybe it would have been too political and I wouldn't have liked it anyway. If it was remote friendly then I might have considered it but it just doesn't seem like the right choice at this point.
One thing I did realize from my many interviews though is that I'm getting to the point in my career where I just want to focus on really doing interesting things. Most likely this means working for some kind of startup (such as GI - even though I didn't get a direct offer from them) or just exploring my own ideas about neurosymbolic learning. I mean, if I'm already financially stable enough to not have to worry about a corporate job then I should really optimize for my own learning, right? I think I'm just afraid to take that leap. I still believe the ideal thing for me to do is try to optimize financially by staying at ?? while having enough discipline to explore my own projects on the side. Once 2-3 years is up then I can definitely try to transition into working on my own projects full time.
The truth is that life is pretty short and if I'm already fortunate enough to be financially stable then I should just focus on legitimately doing interesting stuff rather than chasing prestige. While working at ?? could probably help me learn, I doubt it's going to be as efficient or "fun" as exploring my own ideas.
The last thing I wanted to mention is related to the fact of getting old and life passing me by in the blink of an eye. I hungout with A&C today downtown and realized that we've known each other for almost 8 years now. It's crazy to think that if I never went to play badminton at the Y then I never would have met them and we never would have kept in touch for so long. I guess it's a bit like chaos theory - how the small decisions can have ripple effects far later in our life. I feel like we've all grown up and done pretty well and, in some sense, I'm proud of us all. I hope we continue to keep in touch but, again, I'm starkly reminded me of the fact that I'm basically 30 now and I think the next few years are crucial if I want to pursue some risky research ideas.
What else? Hmm, I guess I felt a bit down about not having anything work out romantically while I was back in CA but I'm not that worried about it. I think ultimately what bothers me nowadays is not spending enough time pursuing my research or creative hobbies rather than relationships - I already have enough friendships to maintain and if I was in a serious relationship as well then I'm worried I would be bitter about not having enough time to explore ideas anyway (I already feel that I don't have enough!).
In the end, I think this is all leading up to say that sooner or later (hopefully sooner), I need to take a leap of faith and give myself the chance to really dive into exploring new ideas or just join a startup. I don't know why I think I can have such a big impact, as I said in my conversion with C the night before I left (which was really nice btw), I'm not sure where this sense of hubris comes from. Why do I think I can make some important contribution to the AI field when I don't really have a track record of doing so? Maybe I shouldn't hold myself too accountable and just find pleasure in the journey but, the one thing I do know, is that I won't be happy unless I give myself the opportunity to try my best at it.
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