Life of a Gamer

 This past February, I went to a big smash bros tournament down in ??. This is something I've been doing for a few years now but I don't think I've blogged about it before - which is a bit weird since it is a decent part of my social life / hobbies for the past 4-5 years.

Maybe it's because I'm subconsciously embarrassed by it? Playing a Nintendo game competitively in your late 20's / early 30's does seem cringe on the surface. But my rebuttal would be that 1.) who cares about other people think about you? 2.) I'm not dedicating enormous amounts of time to it anyway and 3.) it's fun and gives me a way to socialize with friends so get off my back and stop judging me.

Anyway, I do think that I've legitimately tapered off how much time I play in the past 1-2 years - it's mostly just to unwind at night or something to do when hanging out with friends. But why did I even get into it to begin with? I think I've always enjoyed fighting games because they seem very "pure" - there's no 'grinding' or 'levels' as such - it's just your skills vs your opponents and you both have the same set of tools. It requires mental fortitude and creativity so I've always found it enjoyable.

It's not like I've had much success overall though - last year's tourney I managed to beat someone who was almost top 100 in the world and made a few upset threads on reddit and youtube videos. That was probably the pinnacle of my video game career. Sometimes I wonder if my time would have been better spent doing other things - like studying AI stuff or exercising. I guess playing badminton (or any sport) is similar to playing fighting games except you get the added benefit of free exercise which is always good.

Not sure what else there is to say, I'm probably downplaying things cause I'm embarrassed about it still in some way. But I want to at least record the ways in which I spent my time while I'm here - I think, honestly, playing Smash has been a mostly positive thing! It helped me connect and form deeper friends with some people at work (J and P) along with sometimes giving me events to attend on the weekends instead of sulking at home. So, I think it has (had?) a role to play in my life just like everything else and I'm glad it's something I pursued. Like I've said in other posts, sometimes life is too short to judge the consequences of our actions or see the "full path" in just the short-term. Unless something is clearly bad for you (doing drugs, getting fat etc.) then you should always be wary about what the final impact on your life will be.

Book Review: A Bend in the River

 So this is my second V.S. Naipul book and it definitely lived up to expectations - I might even like it better than A House for Mr. Biswas.  I think I just really loved the setting - I love books where you can learn about a certain time period in history and it's just like a slice of life. I love the "big story" (colonialism and how small tribes are being replaced by modern society) along with the contrast of the "small story" (about Salim and his life in the town).

There's probably so many details I could talk about, but it doesn't quite seem worth it to go into all of them now. Just know that the whole package is definitely worth it - I also liked how the ending was pretty melancholy. I was telling S this the other day but I don't like books with overly happy endings or endings where every detail needs to spelled out to the reader (or viewer, if it's a movie). I feel like media nowadays just needs to spoon feeds every detail in order to make sure people get the message. But Naipul seems to have a higher standard for the reader and I appreciate that.

If I had to think of one theme that stands out to me, it's definitely the theme of change and how the "bush people" are slowly getting replaced by a more modern society. But it's also the idea that there's ebbs and flows - during this period of upheaval, there's many rebellions and other significant events but the point is to just look at the overall trajectory and believe in the process Of course, you always have to know when you to get out, as in the famous quote:

“A businessman is someone who buys at ten and is happy to get out at twelve. The other kind of man buys at ten, sees it rise to eighteen and does nothing. He is waiting for it to get to twenty. The beauty of numbers. When it drops to ten again he waits for it to get back to eighteen. When it drops to two he waits for it to get back to ten. Well, it gets back there. But he has wasted a quarter of his life. And all he's got out of his money is a little mathematical excitement.”

I feel like there's another message I need to articulate, but I'm not doing a good job overall - I want to say it's just about the theme of also "dealing" with change itself. Sometimes the main character meets people, has affairs and then they drift apart (sometimes abruptly) while things continue to change. Life is a river and sometimes we can do nothing else but acknowledge that we are just being sweep along by the current, a swirling mass of forces and choices made long ago, over which we have no control.

Anyway, read the book. Would highly recommend it and I believe it made me think a lot too - but I suppose I wouldn't say it affected my thinking personally in a profound (that is, compared to Stoner or even Rob Peace as in my previous post). Sooo... maybe no book can truly be perfect, I guess :)

Book Review: The Short and Tragic Life of Robert Peace

 I have two days to make 5-6 posts I've had in my backlog for a while before I embark on a new adventure in life. So...let's get to it :)

One of the books that N recommended me to read over the break was "The Short and Tragic Life of Robert Peace" or just "Rob Peace" as the movie is titled. It tells the (real) story of a talented black kid who grows up in rough circumstances but eventually manages to go to Yale. However, he falls back into the wrong crowd and/or makes wrong decisions and his life doesn't end so well (as you could have figured from the title).

I have two main feelings about this book and, honestly, it made think a lot about things. Mostly about the craft and the external circumstances surrounding even writing a book like this though. Specifically, the book was authored by Rob's affluent (and white) college roommate but yet discusses a lot of topics about "black" culture and it seems inauthentic in a sense. Furthermore, there's the meta-issue of the book being a springboard for the author's career (as his previous works do not seem successful) so, in some sense, it's like the (white) author is profiting over the story of his black college roommate. I don't mean profiting financially as he claims all proceeds to the book went to charity but rather in the sense of "reputation". If the only "success" you can claim is from re-iterating the story of a friend, then is that really being honest with yourself? Lastly, and this is perhaps me being petty, it doesn't like like the author and Rob were that close to begin with. His friends from the "hood" (ie. the Burger Boyz) seemed to be much closer with him but yet (in the real world) they seem to not benefit at all from the success of the book - they aren't involved in the movie premiere and I don't get the sense any money went to them.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, that when you write a book about a real person who was alive relatively recently, it's not easy to separate the art from the artist or it's material impact on the world. My most cynical interpretation is that the book almost seems like a vanity project, like the only good story the author had was by recounting a story of someone he knew who actually had an interesting life.

Anyway, to give credit where it's due, the book is well-written and has interesting themes overall. The main themes to me are about escaping the realities of your past (ie. the environment you grew up on) and how some mistakes are more costly than others. I think, as the author notes, Rob made some mistakes (just like we all do) but because of his circumstances (ie. being involved in the drug trade) they were just much more costly than the average stupid choices made by young adults.

Beyond that though, I would say that I feel less charitable towards Rob than perhaps the reader is supposed to feel. I empathize with his rough circumstances but, at the same time, it's clear he wasn't self aware enough to recognize his own issues. There's a lot of "toxic masculinity" (I hate to use that word unironically) that I think seeped into him from the black community which seems to be portrayed in how he never confides in anyone (even his so called "friends") and tries to be a nice guy and support women in his life without asking for things in return. But this need to support the women in his life at any costs (especially his "mom") leads him to do stupid things - even when his mom claims near the end of the book that she doesn't even need money much anymore. He doesn't listen to others really, and just seems to keep a one-track mind on what he mistakenly believes are his responsibility as a son (or a man overall) and I truly think that leads to his downfall.

Overall, it's a good book but it made me think more about society and my life overall rather than just appreciating the craft. It's a good reminder to me that we should be self-aware and realize when we are just being sucked back in the emotional trauma we might have suffered in our past - or else we'll be doomed to keep repeating it. 

Oh yeah, I guess another nice moment is that I watched the movie with my dad afterwards. I appreciate that he took the time to watch it with me, and I think I'll miss moments like this when he's no longer here. It felt a bit awkward to discuss with him after, so we didn't really do it much, though I would have liked to it. I do remember him saying it was "very deep" though and also mentioning something about how "you can be very smart but just make a few wrong decisions and that's it..." so I think he got the overall message.