Death

Today is probably one day in my life that I think I'll remember. It still seems pretty surreal. I used to think that the most comforting thing about life was that people/objects were continuous in space and time. If that's the case, why is it possible that someone who you were just heard on the phone a night ago can then turn up dead by such a random event the next day? I don't understand it. I'll probably never understand it.

It bothers me that there's no reason to rationalize why things like this happen. We see death everyday on the news, but we don't really see it. We don't really believe it in our hearts how much it hurts. Humans are selfish. We have such a limited emotional range and can only really seem to care when tragedy falls right into our lap. I keep asking myself, how can such terrible things happen? Is tragedy the only common thread in all our lives?

I'm scared about getting older and dealing with the deaths of ones whom I love. I guess you could say I don't really believe in the conventional idea of Heaven, but, when you really see death, one begins to really wish and hope that something like that did exist. If you try to just accept the world as it is, you'll simply find what seems like a random, aimless, cold mess without any order or meaning. So, why am I here? Why have I survived but others have lost their lives in such meaningless ways? I wish I had the answer to these questions.

It seems almost cruel to go on without fully believing that people can be killed and disappear from our lives so easily. It's not difficult for me to move on - I know I have tons of extra things to do in order to keep me busy but...how can life really be so fickle?

That's all, really. The discontinuities of life are truly terrifying. Why can't people slowly die or fade away asymptotically...instead of being here one day and gone the next? It's just so hard to imagine...