In the previous post, I reflected a lot on how things went in 2021 but now it's time to turn an eye towards the future. As I mentioned before, I think 2022 has the potential to be a big year since a large commitment in my life - graduate school - should be wrapped up by May. Though, there is still a pretty big financial incentive to stay at my current job even though it feels somewhat lackluster now.
That being said, if I finish 2022 without really diving deep into a new skill or a new project then I think I'll be disappointed in myself. Some ideas include pursuing research with J more (maybe writing a paper), learning about VR design/programming or investigate more about blockchain technologies. Another, less technical related possibility, is getting a draft of my HS story into a presentable state and really trying to get it published.
In terms of social things, I'd like to continue dating and seeing if I find someone I really connect with. I realized this past year that even if I'm not sure what I want out of it all, the only way to help solidify my preferences is by meeting new people. Besides, having new experiences is generally a good way to facilitate personal growth. I would like to form closer bonds with some existing friends but I would say it's not a huge priority - I already have a core group of people which I feel like I can trust.
In terms of overall thoughts about the future, I have to confess that I've been anxious about it lately. Being back home always makes me aware of how old my parents are getting and, naturally, the question arises about what life will be like once they die. It's a bit depressing to think about because I feel like my mom especially really holds the family together and it seems hard to imagine how we'll all manage (especially with respect to big events like Christmas) when she's no longer here.
There's also a sense of anxiety that comes out with the uncertainty about what to do next. As I mentioned before, I feel like I'm the kind of person who's pretty good at sticking to goals once I've committed to them (such as finishing a book or going to grad school) but there is a sense of trepidation when it comes to generating new goals.
The main takeaway from these two sources of anxiety though is that I shouldn't (and can't) be afraid of the inevitable change that will come in the future. It just seems like a terrible way to get through life - if you're always scared about how things will change and how they might get worse. One way to mitigate this is by doing extensive planning for different scenarios but, in some sense, that might make things worse since life will always be unpredictable. If you focus too much on planning then when something doesn't go as you expect, it might make you even more anxious.
It sounds corny but maybe the best type of advice to get through life is to just "expect the unexpected". I can't be scared about how things might change but just try to adapt and re-act to them in the best way that I can. I also need to remember to not let my emotions get the better of me. Sometimes I feel angry when I'm here about a little thing my parents/siblings do (like mom making me run late for a Zoom meeting when driving down to Windsor) and think about just immediately leaving or going back so I don't have to deal with other people. But that's not the right attitude - I should try to express my frustration in a clear way and then just move on instead of trying to lash out or get angry. I'm not saying that anything bad really happened, but it's just the thought pattern which I'm ashamed of and it could have even led me to say out of anger that I might really regret (thankfully, I did not in this scenario).
So, my overall advice would be to use this as a year of exploration. I should commit to some new things to try and give them a chance. But I should also be ready to adapt and "expect the unexpected". Most of all, I should try not to be anxious about the uncertainty that lies in the future - it's just an inherent part of life and something we all have to face so why drag your feet when we're all walking towards the same destination anyway ?
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