Well, looks like it's time for my annual New Years reflection post. Before starting this post, I generally think it's a good idea to go back and read my post from the previous year - it helps set expectations and see if I really accomplished what I set out to do and how accurate my predictions from the previous year were.
One aspect I liked from my 2021 post is the stage setting about where I currently was when I was writing it. So, this year I'm just at my our new house in ?? and it's around 4am. It was a pretty chill night at home with the four of us (brother was in Vancouver for his anniversary) and I started playing a new game of Diablo II with my sister and finished reading Metazoa while mom was on the phone with various aunts in the background. It seems like NYE's have gone from being a rather social event for me to just a quiet night home with family and I suppose I'm OK with that - I know I won't be home for much longer so it makes sense to spend time with family while I'm here. On the other hand, I can't deny that it doesn't really feel like any special kind of night since we didn't really do anything in particular. But I guess that's how it always is - there's no special distinction about January 1st and any day can be the start of a new beginning if you want it to.
Part 1: Reflecting on my thoughts one year ago
One common theme in my previous reflection post was that 2021 was a rather uneventful year but 2022 would be more exciting. In that respect, I seem to have been correct - there were several landmark events (brother getting married, graduating from S, starting research with J) that seemed larger than anything that happened in 2021. There were just a lot of things that seemed more "novel" as well - such as meeting new friend groups (badminton with J and Z) or even W's wedding which was a chance to re-connect with others. I feel pretty confident in saying 2022 was more dynamic than 2021 in mostly every aspect.
In terms of concrete goals for 2022, I seemed to have been overly ambitious or expect more of myself than was possible (as usual). However, I did hit some key goals such as starting research with professor J and wrote a few stories as well (but no real progress towards my HS novel). I had written down I wanted to learn about VR or blockchain technologies but that didn't really pan out either - though I did end up learning a lot more about neuroscience/brain architectures so at least I did dedicate a significant amount of time to gaining new skills which seems like what I wanted in a more general sense.
I said I wanted 2022 to be a year of exploration and it does seem like I succeeded in that respect. I didn't end up taking a new job at a hot startup but I did interview quite a bit and make some new connections (especially with N and KJ) that might lead somewhere in the future. One thing I do know is that it's extremely difficult to assess the impact that someone might end up having in your life so I don't ever want to dismiss any connections I made as insignificant.
Part 2: Scorecard for 2022
It's kind of lame but I'm going to go through the same type of scorecard/metrics for various aspects of my life in 2022. I guess it's sort of a habit now but it is a useful way to reflect more deeply on various parts of my life throughout the year.
Fitness / Physical Health - 3.5/5
Overall, I felt much healthier this year compared to 2022. I got back into playing badminton regularly for some solid cardio and all my major lifts increased too (though not up to pre-covid levels). Before I went on vacation or came home for the holidays, I felt like I was making steady progress and was happy with my level of activity. I still need to work on my sleep schedule (it's like 6am right now...yikes) but if I can pick up where I left off in 2023 then I think it could be a promising year for my physical health.
Mental Health - 3.5/5
Mental health is always a hard thing to judge but, looking back, I don't really see any major negative events or health scares (thankfully). I do feel more burnt out than usual from my job, research with prof J. and interviews at startups. Even during the winter break, feel like I didn't have enough "deep relaxation" to really recover and, honestly, the thought of going back to work in the new year seems pretty daunting. There were also a few times I got stressed with family and found it hard to balance work obligations with other events but those do seem relatively short-lived. Overall, it was an OK year for mental health but this is something I'm concerned about going into 2023 - I need to remember to take time to relax and de-stress once in a while or it's a price I will have to pay later.
Creative Hobbies (Writing, ML research etc.) - 3.5/5
Unfortunately, I don't think I did much writing this year but it actually wasn't due to a lack of motivation. I just felt that all of my non-working hours were quite busy with other obligations - such as research or gym/badminton which, honestly, is probably OK. I definitely didn't feel like I was wasting time and there's only so many hours in the day so, what else could I really do? I think the lesson for 2023 is probably to have a better sense of prioritizing what goals I actually want to pursue in my free time (ie. ML research, startup ideas with C, novel writing) and try to pursue 1-2 activities more deeply rather than being a jack of all trades. Nonetheless, just utilizing my free time effectively to learn new skills and try new things is already something to be proud of so I would say I feel OK in this regard.
Dating / Social - 3.5/5
In terms of friendships and making new connections, 2022 was pretty good. I started hanging out with some new friend groups such as J (who I met via badminton) and Z (also at badminton, but at another club) while strengthening previous friendships with folks such as K, A, J and C (who I even had some deep convos with on the night before I left). I also met some other friends through playing ?? and went to some more tournaments so it's nice to have a sense of community in that regard too. Also reconnected with J which was something I had wanted to do for the past few years. Still don't really talk to Dez much but I suppose I've gotten used to it now - I hope she's doing well and that perhaps we can re-connect in the future and share some stories. Maybe what I miss is more the feeling of openness that I had with her rather than the specific person she was - but a friendship like that takes a long time (ie. years) to build and, I can't see it happening with anyone else anytime soon.
On anther note, I'm not sure if I really want to be part of more friend groups though - I felt a bit bad near the end of the year cause it seemed like J wanted to be closer with me but I pushed her away. Though that night after badminton when we all went to eat at In and Out and I gave her a christmas gift did feel pretty nice. But I just feel like sometimes I already have enough friends or relationships to maintain so having even more folks to hangout with would take away from time I want to spend pursuing my other hobbies.
In terms of dating, there's not too much to say. In this regard, I think 2021 was better but I did go on a few dates in 2022 though no one really seemed to interest me (on the same level that S did near the end of 2021). Maybe it's because I was so busy with other things going on but I never really felt like I truly wanted to be dating - it was just kind of half-hearted all the time. Anyway, in 2023 hopefully I can devote more time to this or just decide to put it on the back burner if I'm busy - no more half measures. At least, KJ (startup CEO) seems interesting though...
Career / Academics - 4/5
Graduating from ?? was a big achievement to me (as I've mentioned in a separate post) and getting to do research with professor J. was a big deal as well (despite the fact that I've kind of accepted it now). But, I feel like if you had told me 2-3 years ago that I would be working with one of the legends in the field, I wouldn't have thought it was possible. So I should never really forget how far I've come in that sense.
In terms of actual career, I do feel kind of stagnant. It feels like a long road to get promoted to the next level at work and I don't really vibe with my manager in the same way I did with my previous one (P, who feels more like a friend now). Even if I did get promoted, I don't think I'd really care that much, I've already met my career goals in terms of working at a "big" company at this point and would rather focus my energy on other things. Those other things might be joining or at least consulting for a startup. I took a lot of time to interview at various places this year and, while none seemed like the right fit, it's good to at least get a sense of where I stand. I actually got an offer at ?? which seemed like my dream for the longest time but it's kind of ironic that when it's actually within my grasp I no longer care that much - life can be ironic like that sometimes.
Part 3: Goals for 2023
Based on the past reflections, I'm pretty happy with how 2022 turned out. At a high-level my goals for 2023 would be:
1.) Complete some type of individual research project on ML/neuroscience type systems
2.) Do more research with J about generalization in ML
3.) Interview and potentially start working at startups
4.) Finish editing HS novel and/or do more writing in general
5.) Continue to read regularly
6.) Have a consistent sleep schedule
7.) Prioritizing dating and/or getting to form new relationships with "interesting" people
I would say my goals are weighted more towards the first 1-4 points so perhaps dating will be on the back-burner again this year. I think that's fine since, as I've been telling others, my high-level plan for what I want to accomplish in these next 2-3 years is mostly intellectual or career type things - like forming/joining a startup or really doing some independent research that I can be proud of. I feel like I'm in a unique position now to pursue these things (don't have to worry too much about money and don't have too many other obligations) and I think if I don't dedicate a significant amount of time to some riskier endeavors then I might regret it later on. Of course, I shouldn't neglect the relationships with friends and family that I already have but I just want to concede that it might be hard to form new ones. Of course, if someone interesting comes into my life then I shouldn't shy away from getting to know them better either...
I think a big thing I'll struggle with next year is motivation and deep work though. I think I'm the kind of person who's good at doing "easy" tasks that can improve my mental/physical health (ie. going to the gym has never been a problem for me) but I need to learn how to exercise my deep/creative thinking skills more in 2023 especially if I want to accomplish my goals. Maybe I need to form some new habits in order to stay focused when I need to.
Another thing I wanted to mention (but wasn't sure where to put it) was that I feel like I've gotten a bit more philosophical and introspective in 2022 in terms of the media I consume. I've been reading more philosophical/science books (Our Mathematical Universe, Metazoa) about consciousness and why the universe exists in general. While I don't expect to have answers of any of these existential questions, I am happy in the senes that I'm at least thinking about them - it's important to think beyond the confines of our day to day life at any rate.
I also want to mention one last thing which is that I shouldn't be too hard on myself if my thinking or research doesn't have the outcome that I want. Maybe I'll join a startup and it will fail (most likely) or I'll spend 5 months trying to write some simulation for a new ML algorithm and it won't go anywhere. In these cases, I have to remember to just take joy in the process - of pursuing a goal that I independently came up with and learning more than I knew at the start of the year. While outcomes are nice, I don't think we should tie them too much to our happiness - especially outcomes related to hobbies or our creative pursues. I need to remember that just spending time doing things I find interesting is enough of a reward in itself (and I'm in a very fortunate position to be able to do so) and maybe not take life too seriously in general.
I'll end with a thought I had a few nights ago - when I read that an acquaintance who was a grad student at MIT recently passed away suddenly due to undiagnosed type 1 diabetes. He seemed to have so much potential and a bright future ahead of him but yet he's gone and I'm still here. Why does the universe want me here in the first place or, more broadly, why are some people still alive why others are killed in seemingly random ways? Is it all just the whims of cosmic randomness or are we some infinitesimally small piece of a larger puzzle? Some would say there's no difference but I think there's comfort in knowing that the universe is asking some question that perhaps we can help answer. Anyway, not sure if I can ever find an answer in my lifetime, or if there's even a way to know but I hope I continue to remain curious in 2023 and all the years thereafter.
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