So this past long weekend, I went to ?? and ?? baby shower (though really it was just a celebration of many things) and caught up with ~10 close friends from high school as a result. It was honestly a great time - I hadn't seem some of them since pre-covid and it felt very natural, like I could just be myself around them. Especially with J - even though he's still kind of immature/wandering in life, I was really happy to just goof around with him again. They planned out a great weekend - from a fancy dinner, going to a rave and then spending a day on the lake.
It's a bit crazy to think how we've gotten old. As M said, we've known each other since we were 14 at this point and likely our trauma during high school (taking calculus tests at lunch, anyone?) bonded us together. As usual, people asked if I still kept in touch with Dez and it did make me feel somewhat sad when I said no. I'm not sure how to feel about it overall, but I do know that if you had asked me back in high school, I would've thought Dez is the one I would have remained close with rather than these other people. I'm not even sure what I'd say to her if we spoke now, I guess I'd want to just see that she's doing well and proud of the life she's living - that she's not a normie and has goals she's excited about. I've kind of accepted that it's enough to have had a positive influence on someone's life even if they are no longer there. Maybe people and relationships are just temporary or only valid for a specific time in our lives.
I think those HS years were very formative for me (and us, in general). We chatted about if we think any of our personalities had changed significantly since then and I feel the answer was mostly no. I think J is still that guy with the ego, trying too hard to impress himself and others. I think G still struggles with his place in the world even though he's crazy smart. I think G2 is still trying to be different but is not able to strict with a career. I think being consistent in your goals and who are you is a good thing in general but we should also be adaptable and willing to change - that is kind of why I respected M more to some degree after that weekend.
To explain further, I got to have a few candid/deep conversations with M when I was there and it was quite illuminating - basically how she had decided to focus more on a family rather than a career. I still feel it's like "giving up" in a sense but I think it's also self-aware to be able to re-evaluate your goals. It does feel crazy to think of these kids I grew up with as someone who are going to be parents. It was a bit different with C and V since they were already a few years older (and likely more mature) than me. But these are literally my "peers" and they are having a baby?! It seems wild to me how fast time has passed by.
I was worried/disappointed in my other HS friends though. Most of them seem very stressed (as evidenced by the copious amount of drugs I saw during the weekend) and unclear about where they were going in life. They were either going down a conventional path of work + kids (and seemed stressed by it like S) or just unsure about what to do next like G and J. None of them seemed that fulfilled with how they were spending their time day to day except maybe the main couple of the baby shower who were looking forward to this next phase of life.
I feel like in order to remain sane in this world you need a strong sense of purpose or something to strive for. And, despite how smart my high school friends are, I kind of feel like they've lost this sense of purpose over the decade or so we've been in the working world now. I don't blame them too much (but I guess I do judge them...) because it's a hard thing to remain focused. Even I'm not sure sometimes, but I do feel like they are lost in some sense. Being lost might lead to just settling in some relationship, having kids for the sake of it or even trying to mask things by alcohol or drugs (which I see in G sometimes). But, at the end of the day, they are my friends and I love them but how can I help? Maybe I need to be a better friend and keep in touch. I'm not sure.
But I did feel pretty tender/sentimental about seeing this core group again. I could feel the others did as well. I hope we can continue to keep in touch and gather like this, as I said to K in the last post, there's something to be treasured about having "old friends" who really know your story and upbringing (obviously the same goes for lovers as well). I firmly believe that who you are today in the present is not all that matters, but you need to know the entire context and thought process behind how someone evolved to who they are today. If you don't know that, then how can you say you truly know someone?
Anyway, there's probably a lot more stuff that we talked about...will try to record it here as I remember / have more time :)
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