The simple truth is that I thought I'd be more emotional about saying goodbye. But, as I reflect on the events of the past two years I somehow doubt they'll stand out in the grand scheme of my life. I feel like where I'm going now is a much bigger step and will affect my life and the person I'll become much more than the 6ix did.
It also seems like the past two years were a lull or a break before the real storm of changes. Nonetheless, I can definitely say that I've grown in ways that might not be recognizable to an outsider (I didn't get completely ripped by going to the gym and I'm not that much more rich/successful/a famous writer) but overall I certainly feel more mature and independent. I feel like I know what it means to have my own place and the responsibilities that come along with it. I'm also more aware of what the "9-5 grind" is really like along with the challenges that come with trying to pursue other hobbies/passions despite having a full time job.
I also gained a bit more experience into relationships (admittedly, not as much as I would have liked) along with developing the first real "close" relationships I've had since high school. Nonetheless, I think that I need to be more proactive about meeting new people in the future instead of clinging onto old friendships that make me feel secure. I want to explore and learn as much as I can.
I think a good analogy is that these last two years have been kind of like how you learn to ride a bike with training wheels first. I was able to learn what it's like to live alone in the "real world" but still always had support close by. But now, it's really time to take the training wheels off and venture out into the world. I'm glad I had this stepping stone though because I think that it would be a really difficult transition if I just left right away and I certainly would struggles with the feelings of being lost and unsure what to do. I feel like now I'll be able to move to a new place and hit the ground running which will hopefully lead to me getting into a good/productive routine from the start.
Working at a job that was also not my ideal choice was also a humbling experience and taught me that in life you can't always expect to get the perfect job/relationship on your first try. In some sense, the fact that I've failed many times before helps me appreciate the opportunity I have now even more and I'm proud of myself for working hard to get it.
The last thing I wanted to elaborate on is my relatively new friends. This weeks after I quit work, I spent more time hanging out with them and in the past year we've really become close. It sounds pretty sad to say but I think they are the only people I've ever opened up to about my whole high school life and past. While I've had "friends" in university they felt mostly self-contained - they only knew stuff about me that were related to university life. But these were really the first non-highschool friends (well, with the exception of J) that I felt really started to know who (I was. In a way, I feel stupid because it took so long for me to open up to others (and it's something I definitely need to work on in the future) but I'm glad I did.
In contrast, while the weeks spent hanging out almost everyday with friends was fun (and a relatively new experience) it also made me realize it's not a lifestyle I can be happy living. It was OK and made sense in this situation because I was leaving anyway and had free time but I don't think I can ever be one of those guys who just goes to the bar every day after work. After a while, you find yourself repeating the same topics or making the same jokes. In fact, I think what made me become so close with these guys was because we had a mutual activity we did together which was playing badminton and working out. This meant we could spend time in ways that didn't involve constantly talking to each other.
Nonetheless, I think I realize that I want to live a more motivated lifestyle and not just casually hangout with friends. While these past few months have been a nice hiatus from all the studying I did before I want to get back to focusing on hobbies - whether it's seriously going to the gym again, writing or even taking online classes. I want to be constantly moving forward and improving myself.
There's so much more I could still talk about with regard to the relationship dynamics between myself and my two "new" friends. I guess I'll just briefly mention that for the first time they made me feel kind of old/wise which was a new experience since usually I hangout with people my age and in the same stage of life that I'm at. It's kind of nice to realize that getting along with someone "transcends" the fact that you might not be at the same place in life - it's like we connected on a deeper level than that and just have the same personalities. Nonetheless, I can't deny that I felt almost like I had a mentoring role to them - especially with regards to helping with homework and just giving advice on life. I genuinely want to continue helping them in the future and hope they do well.
I guess I want to conclude by saying that despite the fact that I had like 3 weeks off there's still so many things I wanted to do before I left (like go to Wonderland or run a 10k together). But I realize that it's probably better to leave the sentiment of wishing you had more time instead of staying until you get saturated and fed up. I think the time I had was almost enough and, while it would have been nice to stay a bit longer, I could start to feel myself itching to do something new.
I think the old me would have treated such a big change differently. I would have lamented the fact that I didn't get to do/see everything I wanted. But now I realize that life will never work out so perfectly and sometimes you just have to appreciate the things you have for what they are instead of what you'd like them to be.
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