2023 in Review

Preamble:

 Well, I suppose it's better to do this late than never. A new year has come upon me again but, for some reason, I just wasn't in the mood to write a reflective New Year's blog post the past few days. Maybe it's for "good" reasons - I was pretty busy enjoying time with friends and family so, as a result, I wasn't feeling that motivated about blogging. On the other hand, I don't want blogging to just be something I do when it's "convenient" - it's important to record these snapshots of how I felt at a particular time in my life so I don't just leave it up to a "biased" view of my own memory when I reflect on things later on.

I also feel that I need to do this new year's blog tonight because things will be pretty busy for the next few weeks with work + school starting back. So, without further ado, let's get into things...

2023 Holidays

As is tradition, I should start off the post with some scene setting of what I did for new years / holiday vacation. It was pretty hectic at first, going to New Orelans for ?? but it was a fun experience overall and I'm glad I proved to myself that I was confident enough to do it. I also met Mex Tegmark irl which was pretty amazing. Then, I ended up getting the flu pretty badly so took about a week to recover, but at least I was able (read: forced) to sleep a lot. 

After that, I just spent some time between my hometown and TO, mostly catching up with friends and playing copious amounts of Civ with my siblings. It was nice though - the feeling of staying up until 5am to play games with my brother and sister again was nostalgic in a beautiful kind of way. I also feel sad though since I'm worried if this is one the last year's we can do this before someone ends of having too much "real" responsibilities (ie. having kids). I also felt this holiday was more social than last year, I hung out quite a bit with 3 along with catching up with people I hadn't seen in a long time like V and Gold(Au). 

In terms of actual new years day, I had dinner at the Keg with family and then went to Karoke for a bit with 3 and friends. Then stayed up until like ~4am playing civ once again - but it felt really nice. In fact, I would say that I finally started to "relax" and forget about work/research stuff which was a big deal for me.

Reflections on predictions from last year's blog post

Another thing I've started doing is re-reading my old blog post from a year ago and seeing (broadly) if my predictions for what I thought would happen this year actually came to fruition. Let's see...I claimed my goals for 2023 would be:

1.) Complete some type of individual research project on ML/neuroscience type systems

2.) Do more research with J about generalization in ML

3.) Interview and potentially start working at startups

4.) Finish editing HS novel and/or do more writing in general

5.) Continue to read regularly

6.) Have a consistent sleep schedule

7.) Prioritizing dating and/or getting to form new relationships with "interesting" people

And mentioned it was weighted more towards 1-4. I thought I wouldn't have much time for dating (as I put that as #7) but...haha, I guess life had other plans. Will get to that later.

Anyway, reflecting upon this list now, I would say that I accomplished most of it. However, it does seem like I "failed" at the first (and most important?) point since I didn't end up doing any individual research, though I did start forming a concrete list of ideas and resources. In truth, this was probably not really feasible anyway just given the amount of other things I was juggling.

However, I was able to do more generalization research with J and even present at a top-tier conference which I am grateful about. I kind of feel like sometimes I'm just taking some experiences for granted as if they've become "normalized" to me, but I should never forget how far I've come. 

I did interview at quite a lot of startups, so #3 is taken care of. I didn't actually accept any concrete offers, except at the NYC place and, maybe this was a failure on my part in terms of not studying enough, but it doesn't make me feel that bad so I can perhaps chalk that up to not truly wanting the job(s) to begin with. Probably the most unique one was NL and I had a whole separate blog post about that. Anyway, the point here is that I did genuinely try to interview and explore startups, and will continue to do so in 2024.

I did finish editing my HS novel and submitted it to a contest. While nothing came of it, I am proud that I took the effort to get it over the finish line and put it out there. I'm sure there's a lot more work I need to do on it but just being able to complete a goal I've had for so long is not something that should be overlooked.

#5 and #6 are mostly about health/wellness so don't think I need to comment on that much here since I'll mention it when we get to the "scorecard". #7, as I mentioned before, probably even worked out better than I hoped especially given  how busy this year seemed.

Scorecard

Let's just get into it, even though it's cringe and reminds me of perf reviews (sigh)...

Fitness / Physical Health - 3.5/5

Not sure how to rate this one, tbh. I feel like I was pretty active this year, I remember there were some weeks that I literally went to the gym and played badminton all five days during the week. But I think I'm just getting older in general and can feel my body deteriorating somewhat - my back and ankle seem to get injured far more easily now and I don't recovery from soreness as fast as I used to.

Anyway though, I think my hobbies/routines are pretty active (badminton 2x a week) and (gym 2-3x a week) and I was making steady progress until I came home for the holidays. I think as long as I keep up this routine then I'll be happy with my physical health in general

Mental Health -  4/5

This is also a tough one to assess but I think I did reasonably well on it because I was able to step outside of my comfort zone and put myself in new situations. Whether it was going to New Orleans to present a conference for the first time or going to Socal for a few weeks for another work conference/wedding, I felt that I was able to push through my anxiety and have a reasonably good time. I kind of felt that adventurous spark returning a little bit, which is something I never thought I would say again. 

At the same time, I don't want to be too wild though and burn myself out again. I think travelling to London and Japan are really my two big "dreams" in this area so if I can make at least one of them happen next year then I would consider that a great outcome.

I don't remember any particular "bad" mental health incidents (panic attacks etc.) this past year so I suppose that's a good sign...but I shouldn't get complacent either.

Creative Hobbies (Writing, ML research etc.) - 2.5/5

I had mentioned this earlier, but I was finally able to complete my novel and submit to a contest. That was a big milestone for me but, in terms of the rest of the year, I didn't really have time (or, realistically, the motivation) to do any more creative writing. I wrote down that I wanted to do truly "original" ML research but I didn't have time for that either.

Looking back, I think it seems like I wanted to do more in this area than I really did. While I have a decent explanation for why things didn't work out the way they did (ie. too many other obligations) I think I need to be more cognizant about this in the future. After all, if I don't have enough time to do what I want then I need to re-organize my schedule or get rid of some obligations until I do. No one else is going to do this for me.

Dating / Social - 4/5

I wasn't expecting this to be as high as it was but meeting S as the wedding was a pretty big deal. I feel a connection with her and, while I'm not sure where it'll go, I think it's more connected than I felt to anyone in a while. I also went on some dates but they weren't really anything special - there was one girl I thought I had some chemistry with but I forgot to respond for like a week and it fizzled out. I think there was another girl as well but I forget...

Anyway, I think it's pretty much S or bust at this point. Oh yeah, we also got pretty physical too if I care about that stuff in the future (or will everyone just be banging AI waifus 10 years from now? I guess that's alright with me too...) 

In terms of friendships, I don't think there was really anything new. I think I became closer with C&V (working on some joint projects) and, of course, with K, A, J. We re-connected with Frankie which was always nice but I feel pretty saturated with friends at the moment so this was never a big deal anyway. Oh yeah, re-connected with HG (from work) too...

Career / Academics - 3.5/5

I said this in my previous post, but I feel pretty apathetic about my "main" career right now. I was somewhat motivated at the end of the year, but my ERFs didn't really work out and maybe I'm just fickle about it. At the end of the day, I don't think I care about climbing the career ladder anymore, especially cause I don't really jive with my current boss (he seems too political/fake even though he's nice towards me). Also, I just feel like there's so many other interesting things to study and work on that just staying at ?? seems like a waste. I mean, it's a comfortable job and I'm extremely privileged to have it, but the point of life is not just to be comfortable. I need to push myself and strive to do something that I'm really interested in, especially if I have the luxury to do so. It's like an obligation I have just because of the fact that I exist in this world.

Anyway, getting back to reality, I think other aspects of my overall career have been going well though - I started teaching at S which could open up some doors in the future, prioritized research with J more (but still don't have a "real" paper) and applied to YC with C (even though it didn't work out, I think it could still be a realistic path in the future). So, even if my main career isn't really flourishing, I think there's still quite a bit of potential here and I was able to plant some new seeds this year (even at NYC startup!).

Reflections for 2024

OK, I finally made it - somehow. As usual, it's an ungodly hour right now - 5:16am to be exact. So I just want to quickly jot down some goals/aspirations I had for 2024, so I can reflect on it a year from now.

1.) Continue interviewing at startups and looking for opportunities. Maybe connect with Ali about independent research

2.) Have a real relationship with S?

3.) Sleep 8 hours a day and be consistent

4.) Do a concrete project with C

5.) Get back into writing and polish up HS novel

6.) Do original research

I just wrote these down as they came into to my mind and it's interesting to see what my subconscious thinks are reasonable goals for the next year. I think the big question is whether I truly will quit in March and, even if I don't have another job, just take the plunge and do some independent research? I also realize that having a real relationship with S might be something I actually want to try which, again, seems extremely rare for me.

Of course, given that I'm getting older and such now, I really want to prioritize health and sleeping regularly especially with the god-awful schedule I've had lately.

The last thing I want to stay before I sign off is that I truly hope that I can get to do the things I want in life. I met up with AU over the holidays and he was telling me and Heinz about how he was a startup and things didn't work out but, ultimately, he was happy he had the experience. I think that's all I've ever wanted. Just the experience of knowing I tried to give it my all and pursued something that I really believed in. I'll most likely fail, but that's OK. The point is life not to just live comfortable. I have the luxury of being able to do what I want and still have a huge cushion to fall back on so, as I said before, it's like I'm obligated to take the leap - what's the worse that could happen? As G.W. said, if I don't do it now, then I'll almost certainly regret it when I'm 40 (crazy to think that's the next decade of my life!)