In his forty-third year William Stoner learned what others, much younger, had learned before him: that the person one loves at first is not the person one loves at last, and that love is not an end but a process through which one person attempts to know another.
So, I haven't been reading much lately, but I did get around to reading Stoner by John Williams over the 2023 holiday break, at the suggestion of JL. I think it had a profound impact on me and made me reflect a lot on my own life - it honestly felt unlike any other novel I had previously read.
I read some commentary on the book after, critics have referred to it as the "best book you've never read". It does obviously fall into the bucket of being a "classic" but, for some reason, it doesn't seem to be as well known as others (such as Mayor of Casterbridge, which seems like the most similar book I've read to it - but, even then, it's not even that similar).
Anyway, I suppose what makes the book so unique is it's rather mundane plot and story. It doesn't have any big climx or confrontations really, just goes into detail about the up and downs of the life of a "regular" joe. Of course, he has a somewhat interesting journey - going from being born on a dirt poor Missouri farm to an English Professor at the local college but, at a high level, all of the scenes in the book are very much grounded in the reality that at average person could experience.
So, why isn't the book boring then? I wondered the same thing myself. I think there's two reasons. Firstly, the simplicity of the writing and how relatable it all is (no need to suspend disbelief) just makes it easy to follow and keep reading. Secondly, I do feel like the academia/professor environment is somewhat unique to most people and that was fun to read about, but it's only a small reason. I think that by writing about the "average" life Williams exposes such very deep and fundamental truths about our own lives that we might be too afraid to face as we march from one day to the next. As one critic says:
Steve Almond reviewed Stoner in The New York Times Magazine in 2014. Almond claims Stoner focuses on the "capacity to face the truth of who we are in private moments" and questions whether any of us is truly able to say we are able to do that. Almond states, "I devoured it in one sitting. I had never encountered a work so ruthless in its devotion to human truths and so tender in its execution.
As I said earlier, I think reading this book had a profound impact on me. It made me aware of how seemingly small decisions in life (deciding to get into an unhappy marriage, having a conflict with a work colleague and not taking an active role in raising a child) can have large ramifications later on. There's this underlying notion that time passes by so quickly once you've fallen into a routine - you might not be aware of the consequences of your small decisions until you're old and it's too late to really accomplish anything further.
I do want to clarify one point before going further about what the book means to me though. I actually believe (as did Williams, apparently) that Stoner had a pretty good life. I've always been of the opinion that a good way to measure your life is like how you ended up relative to the circumstances you were born into. By that measure, Stoner did climb quite far up the hierarchy - given all that his parents expected from him was to work on a farm like they did until he died and returned to the earth.
OK, back to my own takeaways from the book. I guess it did also capture this idea of "quiet desperation" as in the the Thoreau quote: the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. While Stoners life was undoubtedly good from where he started, there's this tantalizing realization that it could have been much better, if only he had taken more agency and initiative. Several times throughout the book, Stoner mentions feeling like an observer in his own skin, not really having control over his decisions. I think nowadays we would call that being on "autopilot" just due to the demands and busyness of every day life.
In fact, one of the few times that Stoner does something out of his own "free will" or autonomy is when he decides to quit farming and study english literature. This sets him on a path in life that undoubtedly makes him happier and more fulfilled. But it's like his capacity to intervene in his own treadmill of life becomes diminished as the novel progresses and he just lets more and more things slide (such as relinquishing his daughter's upbringing to his life - and ultimately his daughter just becomes an alcoholic and gets knocked up in the end).
The treadmill and pacing of life is brutal for most of us. We're too busy trying to get through the day and think about how to survive that we don't consciously try to intervene if we're not really "happy". But this intervention is exactly the key to bump yourself up into another tier of fulfillment or happiness in my opinion. As such, I don't think I should personally be afraid to intervene in the routine of my daily life. Like Stoner, the few times I have chosen to do this in my own life (e.g. taking a risk and moving to CA, or even choosing to go to S) really did pay off, but it's like I've become too complacent in recent years. I want to keep intervening in my own life and not settle for just being comfortable.
In the end, Stoner reminds me that life goes by extremely fast especially once you get into a routine. If we want to complete or accomplish substantial tasks (such as writing a book or doing research, as in Stoners case), we need to consciously intervene. This goes for relationships and love as well - like Stoner has a brief experience of happiness during his affair and then goes back to his seemingly depressing marriage. Of course, it's better to have "learned" about love (see the intro quote) than not at all, but it does leave one wondering what things would have been if he had taken more initiative with Katherine as well. But Stoner's story is already written - all I can do is take his lessons to write my own. Maybe that means I should take more initiative with S? I don't want her to pass me by in life, especially cause I do think she's special - I realize tonight that I really don't want to lose her just yet. I want to see where things going and at least try to change my ways regarding ??
Anyway, that's all about me. If you read this, go read Stoner. You won't regret it and you'll probably end up reflecting on what's left of your life as well :)
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